I will be graduating December of this year after going to school full-time through the summer and fall. Everything else that I am doing now falls around that goal which helps me to become more focused in a confusing college world. I find it extremely difficult to be motivated at these big state schools.
I have always been an extremely motivated person. I am a sponge around people I idolize, I work extremely hard and I have never felt the pains of indifference. But, here at these state schools, the primary virtue encouraged is indifference. To believe something is uncool, to want something is ridiculous and to fight for something is obscene. Video games, movies, clubs, drinking, drugs, shallow party relationships, separation from pain and suffering, and monetary success are all we care about now. I wish I could say I have been untouched by these influences, but this is not true.
I have felt my idealism subtly damaged in the wake of this pop culture. It is depressing as hell to me. (Literally depressing as hell) I'll wake up at two in the afternoon sometimes or stay up late doing nothing good. As humans, we need goals and things to fight for. I need something to fight for, but when I'm stuck in a system that is all about a degree and deeply impersonal, I can't think of anything to fight for.
I am glad to have a goal now. I think having this goal will help me find the things I need to fight for: adventure, integrity, and love.
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